Check out these websites....

Hey....here are a couple of great websites for parents. Check'em out and let me know what you think.

http://www.allprodad.com/

http://www.myfamilyminute.com/

Later...

Harvey

Growing up, my family would take frequent trips up into the woods of East Texas. For most of my childhood my granddaddy lived in the Kirbyville, Hemphill area near Lake Toledo Bend. My brother and I loved getting out of the city and going out into the woods. My granddaddy had an old bird dog named Sport and an old chevy truck named Old Blue. There were woods for squirrel hunting, the lake for fishing, pine cones for throwing at each other, and peas for shelling (I hated that job). Needless to say, the only dull moments at my granddaddy's house came at night. I think they went to bed somewhere around 6:00pm and the only thing ever on tv, remember this was pre-cable, was baseball or the news. We played a lot of cards and knee football in the living room.

One of our favorite things to do was to go visit Uncle Harvey. He was actually my great uncle, but everyone just called him Uncle Harvey. His family had kind of disappeared and my granddaddy was left to look out for his brother Harvey. The thing was, Harvey was a hermit. For real! He lived in an old cabin in the woods by himself. As long as you went out there with my granddaddy you were safe. I never tried going out there without him because every time we went, Harvey was sitting at the ragged old screen door that was his front door, with a double barrel shotgun....locked and loaded.

His truck, lawn mowers, air conditioner, garage and everything else within range of the shotgun had been blasted several times. Uncle Harvey had a problem with hallucinating that people were trying to steal his stuff. So I was not about to run the risk of mistaken identity.

Harvey had long gray hair, and a long gray beard and was always wearing some old overa

lls. There was a massive tree in his front yard with vines that had been growing for decades hanging from the top of the tree. My brother and I would climb up in this tree and swing out of it like Tarzan until Harvey started shooting at the people living in the tree that were trying to "get" me and my brother.

As a kid we never thought about it, but Harvey lived a completely lonely, isolated life. Outside of my granddaddy taking him into town occasionally for groceries, he never left his cabin. If he did the tree people would probably steal everything he owned. He had none of life's finer things, and really didn't care for any of it.

I thought of Uncle Harvey the other night at the movies when I saw the trailer for a new movie starring Robert Duvall and Bill Murray titled Get Low. Duvall looks exactly like I remember Uncle Harvey, and it triggered these memories. But as I thought about my old uncle and his reclusive, lonely life, it made me think of the people that I pass daily that are just as lonely.

Even in the midst of all that goes on around them..... loneliness. In spite of millions of people, and the ability to connect with people around the world....loneliness. Many people live in the same, reclusive, lonely place that Harvey lived. They are looking for connection. They desire interaction. They want to be used. They want to know that God created them for a purpose and for a reason. The question is....

What are we doing to put them in the position to find that connection? How are we helping people realize the gifts and abilities that God has given each of us and how those gifts can be used to love and minister to others?

When people feel that there is no place for them, or that they are useless, many of them look to the church for answers and help. Our responsibility is to help them find the path and direction that God has planned out for them, with the gifts that He gave them in the first place. People want to be used and needed. Some are sitting at their door right now guarding everything they have from the tree people. Our challenge is to get them to let down their guard long enough to venture out and put those gifts to use for the Kingdom.

I'm out....

Everybody Gets a Trophy...

God called me into full-time church ministry in the spring of 2005 after a 15 year career as a high school teacher and coach. I thought He was crazy, and wasn't sure if I was cut out for what was before me. But there was no doubt that God was leading me there. But I still had the desire to coach and teach kids the game of football.

Well....God allowed me to do that.....with the Garland Pee-Wee League, 3rd grade Eagles. We cried too much to be Screamin' Eagles, so I dubbed us the Cryin' Eagles. My goal was simple...at the end of the season I wanted those kids to love the game of football enough to come back for next season. Wins and losses were an afterthought, though I knew the season wasn't going to be pretty. And it certainly wasn't.

We went 0-8, and scored 6 points all year. That loan touchdown was scored against the mighty Garland Owlettes (they won 1 game that year....7-6).

When the season was over we began to discuss team party plans. I set it up at Peter Piper Pizza. Food, games, hangin' out with our teammates...it was gonna be a great time. The league gave each kid a medal for participating, and we (the coaching staff) selected our MVP. Some of the parents came to me and asked how much trophies for each kid would be. When I told them that we weren't going to give trophies to each kid they were shocked. Why not? they asked! Well.... for starters we were 0-8 I said. But every kid should get a trophy...they said. And that's when it hit me.....when did that start?!

As a kid growing up playing sports, I only got trophies for success. Losing was part of the equation, and when it happened you had to figure out a way to keep it from happening again. If you couldn't figure that out.... you lost..... and you weren't rewarded.

I had to take the National Physical Fitness Test in elementary school P.E. I was a short, fat kid, but I did okay until we got to the pull-ups. Hanging from the bar with my little white p.e. shirt creeping up so that a little belly was peeking out was all I could do. Every year, it was the crushing end to my hopes of getting that stupid patch at the end of year awards assembly. But you know what.... I didn't achieve the things that needed to be done to get it.

I sat through a 7th grade awards assembly the other day where they read every kids name off, alphabetically, called them up to the podium and gave them an award for something. Some kids, that actually achieved, raked in a ton. There was more than one though that received the distinguished Office Aide award.

What's wrong with that, some of you may ask. Well....there is an overwhelming sense of entitlement that has set up shop in the attitudes of many of our teenagers and pre-teens. Many of them think that because they show up, they deserve a trophy. When they don't get their way...they quit. When the game is not played by their rules...they take their ball and go home.

We are seeing this in our churches as well. And not just in our student ministries. Many times, the attitudes we see in the student ministry are not far from the attitude the students see in their parents. When personal preferences are not met, the bashing of leaders begins. Rather than becoming part of the solution, and strengthening the team, we have people quit, blast the team and it's leaders and begin to try and align allies to help stage a coup.

What are we doing? God has called men and women to your church to lead ministries. He has called many of us into the ministry of parenthood. We work to make the team better, sometimes in spite of personal opinions and preferences. And we work at being the church that God called us to be. Quitting and being divisive does not deserve reward. It deserves correction and instruction.

Parents.....when our kids come up short in being who they should be, and doing what they should do they don't deserve a trophy. As parents we depend on each other to instruct and guide so that they don't make the same mistake again in the future. When they learn the spiritual lesson of serving without the thought of what's in it for me......victories and trophies are won in the form of lives being transformed for Christ.

So we just started a new series in the student ministry...... Shhhhhhh! I'm not telling you to be quiet, that's the name of the series..... Shhhhhh! Prior to starting it, I didn't tell the kids anything about it other than the name. They thought we were going to be talking about being still and quiet, listening for God's voice, etc.... In actuality, the series is about all the things kids are experiencing, but not talking about with anyone other than each other. Porn, sex, self-mutilation, eating disorders, substance abuse, suicide, etc..... a real "feel good" series. But the point of the series is not the surface issues that we all see, it's about the root problems that manifest themselves into these visible results.

Things like self-centeredness (I know you probably aren't dealing with that with your kids, but I am), lust, and unbelief just to name a few. And by unbelief, I'm talking about the unbelief that God has your best interest in mind. Parents..... our kids think they know best. Thank you Captain Obvious, right? I know that doesn't shock any of you, but sometimes we just choose to ignore the repercussions of issues that are rooted down deep in our kid's hearts.

Things like porn are literally at our kid's fingertips. Gone are the days that finding some old magazine that someone's dad threw away was the only way that you would ever see any of that stuff. Our kids have it on their phone, their game systems (PSP, DS...they can all get wifi), computers, tv, etc...Their ideas of relationships are and what their role is in those relationships are many times completely perverted and distorted.

How do we combat these issues? We speak to our kids consistently about the root issues. I know you probably spend a lot of time combating selfishness, lying, and other similar issues, but how much time have you spent talking to your kids about the fact that God has their best interest in mind. And here's a thought..... He does even when we as parents do not.

I must admit, there have been times that I've tried to get my kids to do things that, if I'm honest with myself, I wanted them to do more than they wanted to do it. There are times that we may think we have their best interest in mind, but we fail to communicate with God on behalf of our kids. Let me challenge you to spend some time talking to God about your kids, and then talking to your kids about the fact that God has their best interest in mind. Choosing to follow His guidance and map of life is the only way we assure ourselves of the chance to navigate the paths before us.

Recently I took a group of our student ministry volunteers to a one-day conference hosted by the Rethink Group called Orange. I have had a couple of opportunities to go to their yearly conference in Atlanta and it is great! So when the opportunity arose to get a one-day shot of the Orange Conference here locally.... I thought it would be great for some of our volunteers to hear and see about this idea.

The idea is that the color yellow represents light (the church) and red represents love and nurturing (the family). Together the two colors make orange. A partnership of church and family in raising and teaching our kids. That's a very quick overview, but you get the picture.

As a parent I recognize the need for other adults speaking truth into my kid's lives. It doesn't matter if they are saying the same thing I've been saying for years..... if that's what it takes for my kids to hear it..... then okay.

There is a show on MTV called Sweet Sixteen. If you have never seen it, check it out sometime. If you're like me one episode will be plenty. One word of caution.... your i.q. may drop a few points just being exposed to some of the stupidity. Basically it is a show about these kids with wealthy parents and the outlandish parties and gifts they get when they turn 16. Some of the stuff is unbelievable. One of the problems is that it can create a warped sense of reality for those of us that spend our time mingling with the normals.

One of the many problems I have with some of the attitudes on the show is..... when did it become more about what we give to our kids, or do for our kids than what we leave in them? There are so many things that are more important than the stuff I can give them or do for them.

Things like.... do they have an authentic relationship with God (do they know what that looks like by watching me)? Or.... do they know that I will always have their back? Or what about remembering that my wife and I are not the only adult influences in their life?

I think that over the years, we as parents have been given so many lists of what it takes to be a good parent that we feel like we just can't match up. So many christian authors have weighed in on what you should be doing or not doing, what the kids should or should not watch, what type of music they should or should not listen to, etc.... that we as parents begin to form some sort of checklist and when we can't check things off of the list..... we've failed.

Here's some encouragement mom and dad. Adam and Eve..... caused the downfall of the human race and raised a son who killed his brother; Noah... drinking problem; Abraham.... offered his wife up to someone else; Rebekah schemed to deceive her husband; David, Eli, Jacob......all had parenting issues. But just like them..... our humanness does not prevent God from using us.

God is at work in your family. Restoration and redemption are stories that your family can tell like no other family. And people need to hear your story. It's not about being perfect parents. It's about the legacy you leave in your kids when it comes to a relationship with God through His son Jesus. There is no "right" kind of parent level that you have to achieve to be used by God in the life of your kid.

Paul gave us, what I think is a pretty good blue print of a family structure....

Ephesians 6:1...."children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."

Ephesians 5:24....."now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands."

Ephesians 5:25...."husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

Each family member's response to each other should reflect the attitude and response of Christ to them personally.

Reggie Joiner, founder of the Rethink Group, says in his book Think Orange......"the family exists, even in its imperfection, to display the heart of God to every generation." Don't beat yourself up mom and dad for the things you can't do or give...... leave your kids with something that will impact them forever.

Looking Back

On a recent Sunday afternoon my middle daughter, she's 15, got a call from a friend telling her that a boy they had gone to school with since the 6th grade had hung himself earlier that day in his closet. Of course there was all kinds of speculation as to why and rumors were rampant among the teenage friends of this young man who had seemingly given up hope.

A few days later I took her to the boy's funeral. I didn't know this kid or his parents. I knew a lot of the students that were there and had seem most of them grow up... many of them had been in my house a time or two. The questions and confusion jumped off of the faces of most of the kids and many of the adults. How could a kid with so much life left in front of him come to the conclusion that there was nothing left to live for?

I remember being 15. At times it seems like forever ago and other times it seems like just yesterday. Everytime a high school friend posts new pictures from back in the day I look at them and think was I ever really that young? Looking into those young, naive eyes reminds me of so many things. And I see in those old pictures the same look I see in my kids.

Naivety is not a disease of some kind, or something that indicates a lack of intelligence. It's something that we have all experienced throughout life. And that's where we as parents can step in and actually understand what our kids may be thinking.

I'm just as guilty as the next guy about getting frustrated, angry, and irritated at laziness, selfishness, and other things that seem to ooze out of the teenage psyche. But so much of their emotional, and psychological reactions stem from sheer naivety. In many ways they've been taught that these are the best years of their life and they should enjoy them while they last. While this may seem like a positive statement.... view it from their lenses.

When they look at themselves physically, emotionally, intellectually and think this is as good as it gets........ that's not necessarily positive. Therefore, when I don't match up physically, when he/she breaks up with me; when I just can't make the grade..... what's left? Really... if this is as good as it gets and it sucks..... then why stick around for the rest?

Parents.... I implore you. Make sure your kids know that this is not as good as it gets. There is so much life left to live. I love the Brad Paisley song "Letter to Me." There is so much truth in that song pertaining to growing up in a world that is tough for adults to live in, much less kids. One of the lines in that song refers to not seeing past Friday night, much less further down the line. Obviously, discipline and structure are a huge part in getting them through, but remembering our own naivety and cluelessness can help.

For me... looking back at what I thought was the best and 25 years later living out a life that is so much better than I ever could have imagined is a reminder of what God has in store for my own kids. I don't know what that is and neither do they.... but it's going to be fun to watch it unfold. Getting them through these times can be challenging and extremely frustrating. All of the mistakes, decisions that we don't agree with as parents, boy/girl problems, etc.... nothing we haven't been through ourselves. Use that knowledge and experience to guide through the mine fields the same way God guides us through ours.

Have a great Christmas and a very Happy New Year!

Put It All on the Table

Several years ago I took a group of middle school kids to camp for the first time. I had been leading worship and speaking at camps for a long time, but this was my first time to take a group as their student pastor. I had only been at this church for a few weeks, and was really excited about the opportunity to get to know these kids and start forming some relationships.

The camp line-up was good.... Voddie Baucham preaching and Billy and Cindy Foote leading worship. It doesn't get much better than that, so I was pumped. The first day was pretty uneventful, but the second day blew up. I had to send a kid home... yeah, 2nd week on the job, first camp and I've got this little girl that I had to send home. But that was definitely the right move. It was another thing that confused me on that day though.

My senior pastor's daughter was at that camp. I was talking with her one night because I noticed that she did not have her bible with her in the bible study time. She told me she didn't have one. I assumed she was talking about not having one at that time, or that she forgot it at home. But as we talked a little more, she meant she did not have a bible. Her dad had been a pastor for years and this 14 year old girl did not have a bible.

Needless to say I got her one, and when we got back home I set up a time to go in and try to get some clarity on this issue. As I sat down and talked to her dad, I asked him, how is it that your daughter does not have a bible? His reply was something like this..... her mom and I have never wanted to put added pressure on our kids since they are already under so much scrutiny being a preacher's kid. We want them to make their own decisions, and come to faith because of their own realization not because their dad is a pastor. Wow! I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Counting on a kid to make the right decisions without giving them everything you know to be true and right is like telling them to go ahead and run with the scissors, and try jumping over the couch while you're at it. Sure enough, the philosophy backfired.

As a parent part of our responsibility to our kids is to allow them to make decisions, and then to accept the rewards and/or consequences. However, we are doing a huge disservice to them if we do not give them everything we know to be true and right. It's a given that they will make some poor decisions, just as you and I have done in our lifetimes. But the frequency of those bad decisions may be lessened if they have all of the information with which to make a decision.

Face it.... someone is going to give them information. You and I are not the only ones influencing their decisions, and quite frankly, we probably do not have the most influence. But the information we give them; the spiritual guidance that we are responsible for speaking into their lives can and will form values that will be used when it's time to decide.

I don't know about you, but I want a say so in what my kids decide. To think they will just find out on their own is nothing short of abuse. Talk to your kids about the tough things. Talk to them about the things that you know are waiting on them as they navigate the teenage years. Give them the wisdom that comes with one of the things you have that they do not.... years of life. They're not dumb, just inexperienced. Shed some light on the things that lurk in the shadows. The enemy is like a lion... looking for someone to devour. Put everything you know out on the table with the rest of the information they are getting. We can't expect them to make the right decision all of the time, but we set them up for failure if we don't say our part.