Well....God allowed me to do that.....with the Garland Pee-Wee League, 3rd grade Eagles. We cried too much to be Screamin' Eagles, so I dubbed us the Cryin' Eagles. My goal was simple...at the end of the season I wanted those kids to love the game of football enough to come back for next season. Wins and losses were an afterthought, though I knew the season wasn't going to be pretty. And it certainly wasn't.
We went 0-8, and scored 6 points all year. That loan touchdown was scored against the mighty Garland Owlettes (they won 1 game that year....7-6).
When the season was over we began to discuss team party plans. I set it up at Peter Piper Pizza. Food, games, hangin' out with our teammates...it was gonna be a great time. The league gave each kid a medal for participating, and we (the coaching staff) selected our MVP. Some of the parents came to me and asked how much trophies for each kid would be. When I told them that we weren't going to give trophies to each kid they were shocked. Why not? they asked! Well.... for starters we were 0-8 I said. But every kid should get a trophy...they said. And that's when it hit me.....when did that start?!
As a kid growing up playing sports, I only got trophies for success. Losing was part of the equation, and when it happened you had to figure out a way to keep it from happening again. If you couldn't figure that out.... you lost..... and you weren't rewarded.
I had to take the National Physical Fitness Test in elementary school P.E. I was a short, fat kid, but I did okay until we got to the pull-ups. Hanging from the bar with my little white p.e. shirt creeping up so that a little belly was peeking out was all I could do. Every year, it was the crushing end to my hopes of getting that stupid patch at the end of year awards assembly. But you know what.... I didn't achieve the things that needed to be done to get it.
I sat through a 7th grade awards assembly the other day where they read every kids name off, alphabetically, called them up to the podium and gave them an award for something. Some kids, that actually achieved, raked in a ton. There was more than one though that received the distinguished Office Aide award.
What's wrong with that, some of you may ask. Well....there is an overwhelming sense of entitlement that has set up shop in the attitudes of many of our teenagers and pre-teens. Many of them think that because they show up, they deserve a trophy. When they don't get their way...they quit. When the game is not played by their rules...they take their ball and go home.
We are seeing this in our churches as well. And not just in our student ministries. Many times, the attitudes we see in the student ministry are not far from the attitude the students see in their parents. When personal preferences are not met, the bashing of leaders begins. Rather than becoming part of the solution, and strengthening the team, we have people quit, blast the team and it's leaders and begin to try and align allies to help stage a coup.
What are we doing? God has called men and women to your church to lead ministries. He has called many of us into the ministry of parenthood. We work to make the team better, sometimes in spite of personal opinions and preferences. And we work at being the church that God called us to be. Quitting and being divisive does not deserve reward. It deserves correction and instruction.
Parents.....when our kids come up short in being who they should be, and doing what they should do they don't deserve a trophy. As parents we depend on each other to instruct and guide so that they don't make the same mistake again in the future. When they learn the spiritual lesson of serving without the thought of what's in it for me......victories and trophies are won in the form of lives being transformed for Christ.
Thanks, Doug, for posting this. I think it's very important for all of us parents to consider this topic. "Fear of failure" for our kids has somewhere along the line morphed into "acceptable mediocrity".
ReplyDeleteAlso along this line... how many times has a new video game come into the home and the first thing that happens is for the game player to search online for the cheat codes so they don't have to mess with the early stages of the game? With cheat codes the player is invincible, has all skills, can go where ever they want.... I wonder what sense of accomplishment is there when the basic milestones and learning opportunities are skipped.
I think of how many times my own child has demanded responsibilities of a 15/16 year old (i.e. going out with friends) without having proven himself responsible for the menial tasks of a 10 year old (i.e. chores). Again, that sense of entitlement you wrote of.
The lessons we learn in the early stages of life are so critical and if we can't be responsible with the small things, how on earth can we be responsible with the biggies? And, if we are rewarded for the bare minimum, i.e. Trophies for showing up, where's the motivation to excel and accomplish something truly great? True, our love for our kids is independent of their accomplishments, but as Pastor Jerry said this past Sunday, God expects us to give our best and we should expect no less of our kids. The end result will take care of itself once the effort is there.
I really don't know where I'm going with this. Just rambling I guess :)
Thanks for posting, Doug, it's good stuff!