Looking Back

On a recent Sunday afternoon my middle daughter, she's 15, got a call from a friend telling her that a boy they had gone to school with since the 6th grade had hung himself earlier that day in his closet. Of course there was all kinds of speculation as to why and rumors were rampant among the teenage friends of this young man who had seemingly given up hope.

A few days later I took her to the boy's funeral. I didn't know this kid or his parents. I knew a lot of the students that were there and had seem most of them grow up... many of them had been in my house a time or two. The questions and confusion jumped off of the faces of most of the kids and many of the adults. How could a kid with so much life left in front of him come to the conclusion that there was nothing left to live for?

I remember being 15. At times it seems like forever ago and other times it seems like just yesterday. Everytime a high school friend posts new pictures from back in the day I look at them and think was I ever really that young? Looking into those young, naive eyes reminds me of so many things. And I see in those old pictures the same look I see in my kids.

Naivety is not a disease of some kind, or something that indicates a lack of intelligence. It's something that we have all experienced throughout life. And that's where we as parents can step in and actually understand what our kids may be thinking.

I'm just as guilty as the next guy about getting frustrated, angry, and irritated at laziness, selfishness, and other things that seem to ooze out of the teenage psyche. But so much of their emotional, and psychological reactions stem from sheer naivety. In many ways they've been taught that these are the best years of their life and they should enjoy them while they last. While this may seem like a positive statement.... view it from their lenses.

When they look at themselves physically, emotionally, intellectually and think this is as good as it gets........ that's not necessarily positive. Therefore, when I don't match up physically, when he/she breaks up with me; when I just can't make the grade..... what's left? Really... if this is as good as it gets and it sucks..... then why stick around for the rest?

Parents.... I implore you. Make sure your kids know that this is not as good as it gets. There is so much life left to live. I love the Brad Paisley song "Letter to Me." There is so much truth in that song pertaining to growing up in a world that is tough for adults to live in, much less kids. One of the lines in that song refers to not seeing past Friday night, much less further down the line. Obviously, discipline and structure are a huge part in getting them through, but remembering our own naivety and cluelessness can help.

For me... looking back at what I thought was the best and 25 years later living out a life that is so much better than I ever could have imagined is a reminder of what God has in store for my own kids. I don't know what that is and neither do they.... but it's going to be fun to watch it unfold. Getting them through these times can be challenging and extremely frustrating. All of the mistakes, decisions that we don't agree with as parents, boy/girl problems, etc.... nothing we haven't been through ourselves. Use that knowledge and experience to guide through the mine fields the same way God guides us through ours.

Have a great Christmas and a very Happy New Year!